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The Angel on Top of the Christmas Tree

You may have wondered why the angel is on top of the Christmas tree. I decided to do some research and find out. It all started a long time ago, back in the old days on Christmas Eve.

Santa was up at the North Pole, kicked back in his recliner chair, toasting his feet by the fire. Something woke him up and he was kind of startled. He glanced down at his watch. It was 11:30.

He knew he had to be gone by 12 o'clock in order to get all the toys delivered to the little ones on time. He yelled to Ms. Santa, who was in the kitchen making little sack lunches for all the elves who were going with him. He yelled, "ma, why didn't you wake me up?" She answered, "why you no good sorry old buzzard. I woke you up last Christmas and you got all over me. I wasn't about to do it again!!!"

He jumped up and ran to his closet and rifled through all his mothballed stuff looking for his long johns. Then he realized he already had them on. He looked at his watch, 11:36!

He then looked for his red pants and finally found them and pulled them on and popped his suspenders over his shoulders . He heard a great big rip!!! He backed up to the mirror and discovered he had tore the seat out of his pants. He looked at his watch, 11:40. He began to lose his composure.

He jerked off his pants and ran them down to his little tailor elves. On the way he stubbed his toe (the one with the ingrown toenail) on a piece of firewood he had left near the door. He was seething. (He talked to GOD ...)

He told the elves to sew up his pants. After they were done he ran back to his room and started to look around for his boots. He yelled "Ma, where are my boots?" She yelled back at him. "They are out on the porch where you left them last year." He looked at his watch, 11:44. He ran out to the porch and sure enough, there they were where he had left them wet the year before. He was beginning to get very nervous and frantic ...

The boots had gotten hard and had begun to shrunk. He pulled them on as best he could and stomped down on them. The heel fell off the left boot. He felt this uncontrollable rage building. He looked at his watch, 11:47. He began to panic ... He jerked off the left boot, grabbed the heel and ran to his workshop. He found a hammer and some nails and started to nail the heel back on. He hit his thumb. Hard. He talked to GOD again ... He finished nailing the heel on and ran back to his room and grabbed his hat.

He then took off out the front door to harness his reindeer. The yard light had burned out and someone had left a show shovel in the driveway. He hit it at a dead run and went head over heels and landed in a big whomp.

The commotion spooked the reindeer and they went out over the top rail of the barnyard and into the woods. He began to quiver passionately. He ran to the elves house and yelled that he needed help with the reindeer. They herded them back to the barn and helped Santa harness them and hook them up to the sled.

Santa jumped up on the sled and cracked his whip. The reindeer took off, but his sled stayed put. The sled had frozen to the ground and the reindeer had broken their harness tugs. Santa's pacemaker started to kick in He looked at his watch, 11:53. He screamed at the elves to get him some rivets to repair the harness. After the repair he then hooked up the reindeer again, jumped in the sled and cracked his whip. They took off and slid right up to the front of the house.

Just then one of the runners fell off the sled. His color started to change. His by-pass started by-passing. He screamed, "boys, help me." They turned the sled on its side and welded a new runner on. Santa grabbed the runner to put it back on the ground and burned a blister on his hand from the still new-hot runner. His pacemaker kicked in again and the garage door opened.

He looked at his watch, 11:56. He hooked the reindeer back up and ran into the house and grabbed his big bag of toys. He swung it up over his shoulder and the whole bottom came out of the bag and toys went everywhere. He got on his knees grabbing toys and putting them in some old Safeway bags he had. He felt a towering rage building and was ready to explode. He looked at his watch, 11:58.

About this time this little angel came flying through the door with this Christmas tree and said, "Santa, where do you want me to put this Christmas tree?"

 
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