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Bad Shopping Experience

I've never been much for shopping at all
You'll hardly ever see me in a mall

When Juanita says she needs something from the store
I generally don't say anything ... just start to snore

But when she was pregnant and big as a bear
She was having a hard time finding clothes to wear

I had to go to town to pick up a saw
As I left she ask ... Would you pick me up a bra?

Without thinking I said sure, how tough could that be
I kissed her good-bye and said I'd be back by three

After I picked up the saw, I began to regret
The commitment I'd made and I broke out in a sweat

With my hat pulled down over my eyes
I walked in the ladies shop and hoped I didn't get recognized

I walked right up to the clerk and didn't hem or haw
Told the lady straight out, Ma'am I'm here to buy a bra

From behind I heard a noise and turned to see
A half dozen women grinning and looking straight at me

The clerk ask, what style would you be looking for?
Well I just scratched my head
I'd only seen one kind before - "thought bra's is bra's" I said

She gave me a disgusted look and said "sir" that's where your wrong
Come with me! And like a whipped dog ... I tagged along

She took me down this aisle ... Where theme bra's was on display
I thought my chin would hit the floor ... When I saw all that lingerie

There was all these shapes and styles I hadn't seen before
I thought I'll sure be glad when I get out of this store!!!

Why theirs bras's you wear for eighteen hours
And bra's that cross your heart!!!
Bra's that lift and separate and that was just a start!

In fact theirs bra's that make you feel like your wearing nothing at all
And bras's you can train in, you know to start out in when you're small

Well I finally made up my mind…To take the black and lacy one.
Told the lady to bag it up and figured I was done

But then she ask me for the size ... I didn't hesitate
I knew them measurements by heart ... 7 & 1/8

7 & 1/8 she said? Surely that can't be right!!!
Well yes Ma'am I positive, you see I measured them just last night

I thought that she went into shock ... It must have taken her by surprise
When I told her my wife's bust ... Was the same size as my hat size

That's what I used to measure with ... I figured it was fair
If I'm wrong I'm sorry Ma'am ... That just got me another cold stare

By the time a crowd had gathered and they were all crackin' up
When the lady ask me to see my hat ... So she could measure for the "cup"

When she finally got it figured out ... I gave the gal her pay
Turned to leave the store ... tipped my hat ... and said good day

My wife had heard the story before I even made it home
You see she'd talked to several women who'd called her on the phone
She was still laughing --- But by then I didn't even care

Cause now she don't ask AND
I don't shop no more for women's UNDERWEAR


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